20 April 2009

How Many Times Can a Person...

...hit the "Restart" button of life? There is one, right? Welp, I'm pushing it again.


Status update:
I've been wearing the nicky patch again for the last...almost 2 weeks. Note that I did not say "I haven't had a cigarette for almost 2 weeks". There was a girls' night out, and I'll be damned if that doesn't include us indulging in ALL of our forbidden-as-mommies guilty pleasures. But, this time, I didn't bring the smokes home with me. I sent them home with S. "Hold 'em for me," I said, "we're going out for your birthday next week, right?" She rolled her eyes, as usual. But, I didn't bring them home. Baby steps. Because, if I have cigarettes in the general vicinity of me, I will smoke them. There's no use trying not to.

I'm not good at the self-denial thing. I want what I want when I want it. I blame my dad. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. This personality trait has its positives, but I really can't think of any right now. I've accepted and embraced it. If there's a cigarette, I will smoke it. If there's wine, I will drink it. If there's a bag of Cheetos, I will eat it. If there's a 20-something cute boy, I will inappropriately attempt to make eye contact. If there's a computer, I will obsessively socially network. *shrugs* I am who I am.
So, avoidance is my answer.

Re: having a point to my day.
Today I will:
~read a parenting book in the hopes that I will absorb by osmosis how to interact with my daughter in a way that does not leave her as an adult with emotional scars, sleeping with inappropriate men, going to therapy twice a week.

~make a To-Do list and hang it in a spot where I will see it every day and feel like shit that I haven't accomplished my To-Dos. (To-Do's? No. To-Dos. No apostrophe. Take that, Utards. )

~Dance around my living room to techno music, pretending I'm still in Tahoe. Beats going to the gym.

That's plenty, right? I can feel like I have a point to my existence, right?



  1. I keep trying to reboot but nothing happens. I need a software upgrade, Russ37.0 ain't workin.

    So I know what you're saying... and I wish I had something helpful or funny to say back.

  2. One of the best features in life is we can press the rest button as often as needed.

    The goal is to not need to press it quite as often, and not from as far down as before... Most of the time. If this is how it's working for you, then you're doing OK.